Dating Advice with Jen

Meet Jen Hods - you can follow her @jenhods

Dating…it’s hard enough but add on a diagnosis or a mastectomy and it can seem nearly impossible. Today Jen is sharing her story and some AMAZING advice. This is her story…

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 29, I was in a good relationship.

When I met my oncologist for the first time, she let me know that most relationships don't survive cancer.

She wanted me to know that even if I had a boyfriend, I needed to make sure my support network went beyond just him.

Spoiler alert: we didn't make it through. After chemo, immunotherapy and several surgeries, we mutually parted ways. After some time alone, I began the journey of dating. I had to create all new app profiles and update them frequently as my hair grew. I made sure "cancer survivor" was smack dab at the top, if someone wants to spend time with me, they need to know what scary things exist in my life.

The first date I went on I honestly thought I had found the one. I was so wrong, I had been so desperate to try this out once and have it be perfect and then never look back. That was my first lesson in understanding that I don't NEED to be in a relationship, and I shouldn't SETTLE.

Through the good and the bad, the one thing missing from my dating rundown is someone deciding I wasn't worthwhile because of cancer. I know, it surprised me too. I really thought it would be this big scary monster that caused grown men to go running away. But it hasn't. Most of the time my dates have been interested, sympathetic, and genuine. I’ve realized that this disease isn't a part of what makes me intimidating, it's actually what shows my strength.

My advice for anyone who is single, never let go of what you truly want. Never view yourself as less than whole, as someone who needs to settle because a disease whispered in your ear and took things away, or might still be taking away. You are amazing exactly as you are, with all the side effects, lingering trauma and medical needs that go along with it. There is someone out there that will make you realize you don't have to hide any part of that. There is someone out there who will want the whole package, who will work through the slow parts and show you real love 💕